Expecting a Call...

from Child Protective Services any day now. Okay, I exaggerate. But I feel like I yell at ESK so often these days. Sometimes, I grab her arm maybe a little too hard in order to get her full attention. She's only 3 years old and she already knows how to avoid looking me in the eye when I'm disciplining/lecturing her.

I would like to say that I lose my patience more often at the end of the day, but these days, the yelling and time outs can start first thing in the a.m. Some days I wonder how I ended up like this. Some days I wonder what the neighbors must think. Some days I'm just numb to the crying.

The worst thing about the yelling and loss of temper is the affect I see it has on ESK. I can hear her mimicking me. The way she shouts, "I don't care!" or "So what?" These are things I say to her when I hear another excuse for coming out of bed/not cleaning up/pestering her baby sister/dawdling, etc., etc. Am I teaching her that it's okay to resolve issues by yelling and losing one's head?

At the end of the day, I'm learning to pick my battles with ESK. She can wear sundresses on 60-degree-days, as long as she wears tights and warm jacket. She can play quietly in her room or read instead of taking an afternoon nap. She can watch some television, as long as Mommy gets some peace and quiet!