100 Days

Sorry for being away for so long.... I've missed writing here and hope people are still checking from time to time.

My little baby P hit the 100 day milestone on Friday. We celebrated with friends and ee-mo Liz at a beach house this past weekend with cake. As is always in a mom's life, time is warped... It seems like just yesterday I was holding her in the hospital, but also feels like the longest three months of my life. Recovery went smoothly and quickly and breast-feeding has been going well. Thankfully, Baby P has been relatively low-maintenance. She is a pretty, pale-skinned chubster who likes to furrow her eyebrows often and laugh out loud for daddy. Right now, she's at the grabby, flapping, kicking stage which is very cute, but a little spazzy.

With three children, there has not been much time for reflection. I think I was back to dropping my eldest off at school after a week. My mom was here for a month to help me recover, but once she left (and after many tears), I was flying solo. Going anywhere with three little ones has been a challenge, especially at school. Trying to corral the older two and keep them from running out onto the road or the parking lot was stressful. Not to mention I felt very self-conscious at my daughter's school, where it feels like most parents have one child and moms (or nannies) show up perfectly coiffed and manicured (vs. my haven't-showered-in-several-days look). Most parents were helpful and even chased down the older two when they ran off, but I'm hoping by fall, I'll have a better handle on it and won't feel like a walking, three-ring circus.

Dinnertime is always kind of crazy. If my older two are not immersed in some kind of activity, I turn on the boob tube to keep them occupied while I am cooking. I honestly don't even feel guilty about this anymore. And if the baby is fussing, then I'm often rocking her in the bouncer or car seat or holding her in my arms and doing the one-handed cooking bit. Needless to say, dinners here have become increasingly simple and Trader Joe's frozen section has become my best friend. Luckily, it is also summertime, which means a lot of grilling in "Daddy's kitchen" (as E says) and easy marinated meats and grilled veggies for dinner.

One thing that is a major help to me is our part-time nanny. We started having a young woman come help us everyday for a few hours. While I definitely still feel guilty and indulged for being a SAHM with daily help, I know that I am a better mother and wife because of the nanny. I'm more patient with my children and more careful with my words and tone of voice. I'm also kinder to my husband, which has been especially important lately since he's been increasingly busier at work and exhausted by the time he gets home.

Unfortunately, even with the help of our babysitter, nothing can help me with my least favorite part of these newborn months -- sleep deprivation! On a typical night, I am only getting 4 hours of sleep. I felt super-refreshed the first time baby P slept for 5 hours uninterrupted. I do try to nap during the day when I can, but most days it's not possible between dropping off and picking up from activities and running errands. What usually ends up happening is that I fall asleep when I am sitting down to breastfeed. Once I even fell asleep while pumping milk. Tonight, I breastfed baby P in bed and fell asleep with her for three hours. I woke up at 11 p.m. and am waiting for baby P to get tired.

Ok, I would write more or post a picture, but baby P is getting fussy again. Maybe she's ready for sleep? Cross your fingers....