Of course with sleep deprivation comes grouchiness. Lately, I fear I take it out on my family. Poor hubs gets snippy comments from me about the smallest infractions. ESK's two-year-old whininess gets a fierce tongue-lashing. This morning, I invited her to play with my costume/junk jewelry in bed with me and of course, she broke a necklace. I should have expected it, even though I had warned her to be gentle.
Pre-morning coffee me totally lost it. I yelled that she needed to start listening to mom & dad as well as her teachers. Otherwise, we weren't going to take her to school or any of her other activities anymore. As I was yelling, I saw her lips press together and the corners turn down into a frown. Her eyes widened. I realized she was about to cry and I stopped myself.
It's not like I even liked or wore the necklace anymore -- $5 piece of junk I got at one of those tables in SoHo. Sometimes it's hard to stop myself and put things in perspective. Really, I was letting my blood boil over a helpless 2-year-old and a string of beads that was worthless even before it broke.
I've also been feeling guilty about the negligible amount of quality time I've been spending with ESK. Most days it's all I can do to just keep her occupied and out from underfoot! But really, I know she would be so much better off if I actually played with her. Even if it means cutting those darn vegetables for the 10th time. Or emptying and filling up her purse AGAIN. Or chatting with her about her baby doll. (By the way, lately she's been saying a string of Spanish words over and over again: "Gracias! De nada! Buenos noches!" Too much Dora.)
It doesn't help that lately, I've been feeling like my work is never done. When the dinner dishes are done and all I want to do is relax, I realize there's still things I could clean up, clothes that could be folded, emails that I should write... the list goes on and on...
Do you think getting more sleep will help my situation? I hope so. Because the other night, I was tucking in ESK to sleep and was reminded of how precious she was. I don't even remember the conversation, but I just remember my heart was so filled with love. Kids are just full of unadulterated joy and happiness. It was just one of those moments. I don't want to be grouchy mom anymore... I heart ESK.
3 comments:
E is really cute and smart! I heart E. I know how you feel though. I have to stop myself from getting upset about little things. Hang in there! Definitely sleep helps!
Sleep is a big thing. Just yesterday, I was sooooo cranky, but didn't think I was tired. I layed down on the couch anyway, took a 30 minute catnap, and was a completely different person afterwards.
I hear ya about not wanting to take anything out on my family. Sometimes I fear that my kids will start to calculate what kind of mood I'm in before approaching me. Because that's what I would do if I was them! And it's not something I want to pass down as "normal" parental behavior, either.
hm.. i don't have kids but there is julian who's already learned all my moods.. i think that's both good and bad. but seriously, there's work and pms and the subway and rude and obnoxious people constantly in my way and people who are perpetually late. fortunately for me, if i do scream, people will think i'm crazy. if you do find that sleep is not readily available, turn to previous lessons learned: taking deep breaths or the frequent alcoholic beverage.
but i must say, esk is super cute. cutting those darned vegetables!!!!!!!! :D
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